Things I would rather do than see Chris Foy officiate a Spurs game

Yes, I’m still angry at Chris Foy. I thought ‘have a few beers, sleep on it and you’ll be fine again in the morning’. So I awoke at the ripe time of 8am, grab a quick coffee and flick on Sky Sports News and what is the first thing I see? Chris Foy. The same rage that filled my body during the second half of yesterday’s 2-1 defeat was back. Despite a good sleep and a relaxing evening, I was furious once again.

I couldn’t help it and it got me thinking of what I would rather do than see Chris Foy officiate a Spurs game ever again. Below are a number of the activities I would rather partake in:

1.       Sit in a room full of chlorine gas
2.       Watch the Notebook
3.       Grill my hand
4.       Eat my grilled hand
5.       Go and watch Arsenal play
6.       See Harry Redknapp field a full strength team in the Europa League
7.       Swap Gareth Bale for Bradley Wright-Phillips
8.       Let Ryan Shawcross into my house
9.       Give him a cup of tea
10.    Let Arsene Wenger babysit my children (when I have children)
11.    Pick up my dog’s poo bare-handed
12.    Smear the above on my face
13.    Support Celtic
14.    Sit in a bath-tub full of acid
15.    Play soggy biscuit against myself
16.    Purposefully lose soggy biscuit against some friends
17.    Eat a chocolate cake
18.    Eat my own sick
19.    Argue that Stoke play better football than Barcelona
20.    Argue that Barcelona are worse than Stoke
21.    Compare Peter Crouch to Lionel Messi
22.    And mean it
23.    Walk to Ukraine
24.    Cheer on England and mean it
25.    Roll around in my own filth
26.    Play with some C4
27.    Throw petrol on a fire
28.    Set fireworks off down my trousers
29.    Challenge Mario Balotelli to a sword fight
30.    Stand over Roy Keane when he goes down injured and accuse him of diving
31.    Adopt a snow leopard
32.    Fight a shark
33.    Eat yellow snow
34.    Eat brown snow
35.    Wear a vest
36.    Wear a thong
37.    Attempt to make friends with the ‘Go Compare’ guy
38.    Have sex with a lady boy
39.    Fail to send on a chain message and risk the wrath
40.    Reply to a spam e-mail with my full bank account details
41.    Take Viagra before a night out
42.    Play Vedran Corluka ahead of Kyle Walker
43.    Justify my decision
44.    Shop in Lidl’s
45.    Embrace Jacamo
46.    Watch two-and-a-half-men and enjoy it
47.    Fight the empire without my lightsabre
48.    Wax my nipples
49.    Talk to an iPhone 4s and pretend I have a friend
50.    Drink milk fresh from a cow’s udder

Just a few I could think and I’m sure there are more but that is how much I despite Chris Foy now.

Ben McAleer