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Will Tottenham hit the bullseye with their transfer targets?

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White Hart Lane; a phone rings in the Tottenham Hotspur Head Coach’s office

AVB: Stou…sorry hello

DL: André, its Daniel can you pop along to see me, I’ve been thinking about January and I’d like to finalise our transfer targets.

AVB: Claro..muito bêm..I’ll be there shortly.

A short while later AVB knock on Levy’s door and enters

AVB: Daniel, I’m glad you called. There is only a few weeks to the start of the window and as you said, we need to decide what we are going to do.

DL: Exactly, so tell me…..what are you like at darts?

AVB: Desculpe, sorry..what?

DL: Darts, what are you like at darts?

AVB: I don’t understand.

DL: Hmm, maybe I just better show you.

Levy opens a curtain to reveal a large dartboard with 8 black segments, 8 red numbered segments and bullseye

AVB: Daniel what is this?

DL: Its simple André, you have nine darts, for every red segment you hit, you win a transfer bid for the player behind that number, unless you hit it twice.

AVB: This is a joke right?

DL: No, no! Harry did this last January. He wasn’t very good though. He only won Saha and Nelsen.

AVB [still thinking this is a joke]: Ok Daniel, ok, I’ll play along.

DL: Good, good. Now remember. Keep out of the black, and in the red; there’s nothing in this game for two in a bed.

AVB steps up to the oche and throws his first dart straight into red number 1

DL: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiin one. It’s Wilfried Zaha

AVB turning: Do you have to do that Daniel, it’s off putting and where the hell did you get that microphone?

Levy smiles, AVB turns back to the board and throws the next three darts in black. His fifth dart hits the bullseye

DL: And Bully’s Special Priiiiize….João Moutinho

AVB [getting into this now, grins and punches the air]: Yes!!!

The next dart hits the red number 8 segment

DL [a bit quieter now]: iiin 8 – Christian Eriksen

AVB: You know Daniel, I’m quite enjoying this

And then hits the 8 again

AVB: Merda

His eighth dart hits the black. With his final dart you can see AVB’s determination to get another red. He takes his time and throws the dart cleanly into the red number 7.

DL: Iiiiin 7 – Willian

AVB: Ótimo, so Daniel you’ll be putting in bids for Zaha, Moutinho and Willian right?

DL: Hold on André, we’re not finished yet! Are you prepared to gamble those three transfers for the star prize. Six darts to score 101 on a normal board. Get it and you get these transfers and the star prize. If you don’t – then we’ll have a quiet January. You’ve got the time it takes for the board to revolve to tell me what to you’d like to do.

AVB, thinking he’s done quite well so far, decides to gamble. He steps up to the oche again. The first dart hits a 20, then 5 followed by treble 5. Starting to get a bit nervous, his fourth dart slips out of his hand – straight into double 12.  Two darts left. The fifth goes into the middle of the 20. Last dart 17 needed, he goes for it, and hits the 3.

DL: Never mind André , let’s look at what you could have won….It’s Radamel Falção

AVB: Não! Fodes! Fodes! Fodes!

AVB walks despondently to the door ..

DL: Hold on André, I have something for you

AVB: What is this?

DL: A Bendy Bully.. ok bye now, talk to you later

Levy sits, put his feet on his desk and leans back with his hands behind his back and smiles.

DL: Aaaah! Super, smashing, great.

5 thoughts on “Will Tottenham hit the bullseye with their transfer targets?”

  1. I am a Spurs fan and I think it is a very funny piece. Just printed it out for my chelsea fan of a pal to read it

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